the first snow has fallen..

Tuesday, August 26 @23:46

today was.........

meaningful - been thru a developmental course these 2 days.. learnt something new although it isnt exactly supposed to be new... (and hey, i actually get a certificate for it?)

satisfying - talked to a couple of friends and i realise there's so much to talk about!! time is simply insufficient...

unfortunate - i talked to close friends less the one doing night duties now haha

great - fantastic weather, great mood...

sad - that will be after i post this entry, its gonna be 3 hell days at work again.........................

still waiting.

Monday, August 18 @23:30

i am strong! so even if this fren of mine doesnt care, i shouldnt bother either since this fren doesnt bother to do anything at all.. so many days had passed and i see no actions at all.. so i assume this fren isnt interested in this frenship anymore.. i now realize how small and unimportant i am than compared to others in this fren's life..

nothing wrong with being my natural self.. this is the way i was brought up and the way i operate, so if u dun like it, then dun be my fren lo! i am who i am, no one can stop me from doing what i like and what i want =D

PS: unfortunately, $$$ stops me from getting what i want =(

nothing wrong with asking how my friends are gonna spend their day, or guessing who they'll be spending their day with.. i ask my buddies these qns.. i ask my ex-shiftmates these qns.. i ask my family these qns.. so what's wrong with that extra concern for people around me! absolutely nothing!

BUT, there's always a BUT to everything.. i cannot ignore that cos i am a psychology student lei.. all behaviours varies from person to person.. so i cannot expect everyone to understand how i work hee

all rite.. its the end of external classes this week for me.. and i seriously cannot understand what my lecturer is trying to teach.. i dunno if it is he teaching us, or is it US teaching him -.-" apparently, it seems to me that it is US teaching him instead...

been a long day today.. and my brain is left with 7% life power.. gonna get some rest and try to get it charged up for the following dayyy.. i need 8 hours of sleep a day.. lets calculate how much life power i will have in terms of mathematics:

1. percentage of power charged per hour of sleep = 100% / 8 hours = 12.5% per hour

2. time left to sleep today = 12am - 6.30am = 6.5 hours

3. total energy charged = 6.5 hours X 12.5% = 81.25% life power charged

4. total energy for 19 August = 81.25% + 7% = 88.25%!!

which is insufficient!! i should slp now..

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

still waiting.

Monday, August 11 @23:03

once again, i got to experience my "new" old boring life! back to working 8-5 like i used to in the past is something which i had really disliked.. is life meant to be so routine? working 5 days a week, and resting for 2 days, before u work another 5 days and rest 2 days.. and the whole cycle repeats itself.. oh well.. accept it.. that's life in the society.. it had onli been the first day and i am already missing my shift life.. having to work AM shifts, PM shifts, nite shifts, working on saturdays, sundays.. at least more variations and it doesnt feel so boring...

kinda, missing my shift mates as well.. missing all that stupid things we do together.. having all that fun and laughters.. having dinner like a family in the dining table.. not that we cant do that anymore.. but as job scope and working hours changes, the amount of interaction time reduces by so much more~ true enough, life has to move on.. BUT never forget to include me in shift outings etc!! although u guys keep calling me by a different name since u all come to a conclusion that i always teaches u guys things.. anything dunno call me.. anything error just call me.. any questions also call me.. but i feel that in one way or another, u guys have taught me a lot as well.. in fact, thru all that interactions, i develop and constantly improve my interpersonal skills while u guys learn the hard facts.. so, thank you so much for all that things that u guys had taught me!!

well, doing something new doesnt necessary mean something bad.. its afterall, how we see it.. like i told my trainer today.. if u are in a pile of shit, whatever u do does not change the fact that u are still in that pile of shit.. be it resist, accept, complain, reject, nono, nothing is gonna change at all.. so if u are in that shit, just accept it and make it the best shit u have ever been in.. if u dun stir up the shit, then the smell is not gonna come out at all!! but when i mentioned shit, they laughed.. so i do not know if i got my point across or did they treat it as a joke.. but i do mean it.. and btw, i didnt came out with this thing.. it was from a Major from the SAF in CPC (and i still remember exactly where he said this).. i forgot his name but i still have his name card with me =D

its been several days since the irritating issue mentioned in the previous post had passed.. yup.. its true that u apologized and am sorry for saying that all those things but i am not like u.. u feel sad, then u go to bed, wake up, and u are back to the original person u were as before and do not ponder on what happened before..

i am different.. it is like what Chineses always say.. spilled water cannot be retrieved back.. and even if it can be retrieved back, there is bound to be a small percentage that is unretrievable..

it is like a knife wound that would eventually become a scar after it heals..

the feeling is not nice and personally, Me, Myself and I find it hard to talk to u.. u found whatever i say irritating..

if i was to talk to u face-to-face or over the phone, i feel that i would have nothing to talk about at all.. u found the natural-me to be irritating.. so i have to put on a mask like those chinese opera performers in order to talk to u.. i have to think and consider if what i am going to say probes into your personal life, whether its about u, or how u would feel if i were to say it..

i wouldnt have so much time to think and consider about so much things if i were to talk to u thru the above 2 means.. so, this is when we have to appreciate the SMS technology (which was invented by dunno which smart ass).. SMSes allows me to have time to think n consider how each and every single mini, minor thing i am going to say could ever happen to your feelings.. so hey, its a good system eh? but i suppose, i should be fair - i ought to give u time to see if u still want to befriend such an natural,irritating me.. so till then..

thank you 380 and shuyi for your support and concerns.. i truly appreciate it loads.. =D

its late now.. and anyone agrees with "women needs to have her beauty sleep"? well, i am so going to get my handsome sleep now..................

still waiting.

Friday, August 8 @00:43

because i had a bad day! work was busy today.. its been long since i had been so busy.. it just didnt feel right, perhaps due to working onli that 10 days in the month of July.. i am a workaholic and i must do something no matter where i am.. today was just another day which lazy me did not have the mood to work at all.. i wanted to play.. i am SICK of the office and everything (less my lovely colleagues) about it.. the system.. that stupid phone that rings non-stop to check back stuff... the parade thats going to take place in that few hours time.. argh.. just sick of it..

a separate issue.. first off, i have to indicate my feelings as i type this (and its after giving myself some time to think it thru): Normal

i HAD felt extremely sad and disappointed as i found out today that a person who ought to understand my feelings the most, understand what i say, what i do and what i mean described my actions as one word:

IRRITATING.

and guess what, i was so stupid to take 3 years to find this out.. thanks for letting me know.. its not too late yet.. 3 years is not a very long time afterall..

still waiting.

Friday, August 1 @01:09

i have not mentioned anything about my girlfriend so here's one for u..

i know u are a busy ger.. and u have always been.. ever since we began this relationship 2 and a half years back, we have never celebrated my bday earlier or on the actual day before.. it was always belated and if u remember, last year, we celebrated my belated bday during christmas.. not that i mattered really, cos celebrating it is better than none at all..

but before i continue on, i had better let u know my feelings right now first so that u would not worry too much.. this post is not to let u know how unhappy i am, or to complain ok.. its just to let u read onli haha so that u know what to do in future ok!

i want to let u know.. that i understand u are busy with all that tests, all that projects on hand.. all that outings.. all that family issues.. i really do and i do not mind if u do not have time to accompany me (i seems to be having more time than u hor? lolx)..

afterall, we send smses constantly everyday without fail.. we communicate thru phone each and every nite.. we do meet up for dinner at least once every week.. a relationship like that is sufficient already..

u said u wanted to celebrate my bday this sunday.. so ok, i on leave already la haha i grant u your birthday wish in advance to celebrate my bday this sunday.. will u grant me my wish then?

its a simple one.. i do not need anything.. cos i have the capability to get anything that money can buy le.. so here goes my wish for u to fulfill: dun spend more than 30bucks ok!?

still waiting.

@01:06

Marks the end to yet another bday.. today's bday was easily considered one of the worse one i ever had..

not that i wasnt happy at all.. 25 hours ++ mins ago, i was a happy soul, with all that smses lasting my phone non-stop.. even from frens whom i had not contacted or seen for so long.. i went to bed, feeling like it was my bday.. since the birth of me, my bro, my cousin, and subsequently my sis and 1 more cousin, we had always celebrated bdays together in the evening.. and since it was a thursday, my program of cos, starts in the evening when everyone finishes their work, rush down to my house to celebrate my bday.. today was much more special.. i had class in the evening and thus, the bday celebration with my family had to be delayed for a short while..

back track a little.. the nite b4 my bday, a colleague told me to call up my superior (which i call superior F) to tell him whether i want to come back for the farewell of another superior which i call superior G.. so in the nite, i called him and WE AGREED THAT I NEED NOT COME BACK ON MY BDAY ALREADY. having this settled, i went on to plan my programs for my bday............

in the day, i did my last 10percent of my assignment while watching dvds, listening to mp3s and helping my grandma cook dinner for the rest of the family.. it had been a happy, relaxing day for me until one of my batchmates called me, to tell me that superior F wants me to go back AFTER my class.. so i went thinking "wtf, u already said i need not come back last nite.." while i talked to my batchmate..

another 20 mins later, my batchmate sent me an sms to pass info that superior F hope that i can come back half or 1 hour earlier.. so, ok, a new set of instructions again.. and this time means that i got to skip half of my class?

being me, i ignored it and continued with my class.. class ended at 9.45pm and i had not wanted to come back to camp one.. but i was with another colleague and so, ok, if he is open to going back, then all rite, i should be open to it as well.. so we reached at around 10.30pm, while seeing some of my colleagues leaving the work place already..

superior F nagged and nagged to me and my colleague until 10.45pm when the emcee announced that the rest of us can go home already.. so i went like, wtf, i was here to listen to the superior F nag onli.. after some picture taking (which we like to call "taking attendance") with my shiftmates, superior F continued his nagging session for a short while more b4 i decided it was time to go home.. so i was home by 11.30pm..

so in conclusion, i spent 45 mins sitting in my colleague's car travelling to my workplace, spent another 30 mins (at most) listening to stories, and another half hour to travel back home.. in total, i spend 1 hr 15 mins, for a half hour event.. wtf, manpower wastage!! petrol wastage!!
the worst has yet to come.. the sad thing is, when i reached home, i saw my mum almost falling asleep on the sofa watching tv, waiting for me to celebrate my bday for me.. so when she saw that i was home, she and my bro prepared the cake, and along with my lovely grandma, the 4 of us celebrated my bday..

the sadder thing was, bdays with my family usually has 10 ppl.. initially, all 9 of them (less my cousin who is in the army) were there waiting for me.. but when i reached home, my aunt's family has gone home.. my sister has gone out.. my dad has went to bed......................

there it goes, a happy day ended up so sad, so depressing, so upsetting.. all because of contradicting instructions from my so-called "MANAGEMENT". THANK YOU SO MUCH, SUPERIOR F, IT HAD CERTAINLY BEEN THE BEST BDAY FOR ME. EVER.

still waiting.